“All aboard The Hogwarts Express!!!”

“Where is it Daddy?”

“That’s it, right here.”

“It doesn’t look like it, and it is supposed to leave from platform 9¾.”

“Err well, the government took the rail franchise off the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and gave it to some Muggles so it now looks like a 2006 Ford Mondeo Estate and it leaves from this caravan.”

“Is this really Hogwarts Daddy?”

“So the guide book says and it must be right because it cost £8.”

“But this isn’t a real magic wand is it Daddy? It’s just a piece of brown plastic.”

“It bloody well better be magic for £6.”

“Daddy, is that a real flying broomstick?”

“Yep, it’s not just any old broomstick though, it is a Nimbus 2000. It flies so fast that it is impossible to take a photograph without chopping the top of your head off. Now where is that damn Golden Snitch?”